The plot's not great, but plot's just one part of story, and New Order's characters, setting, dialogue, and world-building were all great.
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Oh yes, if you hate cutscenes interrupting the action, then you're in the wrong tortuously-prolonged id Software franchise, matey DOOM is your pot of jam. It's a shame, because the story was The New Order's strong point. will survive getting his entire body pushed through a cattle grid. And then, just when the plot finally seems to be warming up to go somewhere interesting, the game abruptly ends guess they think they can stretch this out to a trilogy, so tune in to Wolfenstein III where, presumably, we'll get to visit the Nazi Andromeda galaxy for precisely one mission and B.J. But it's not the only point that feels like we're repeating ourselves seems like all the struggle and surprises were in the last game, and now we're just doing admin. You have no trouble getting there, and once you're done, you're back on Earth inside a thirty-second cutscene it's not exactly the stuff of Flash Gordon Sunday strips. We're even going there for the exact same sodding reason we went to the moon base: to get some control codes for something on Earth that is so vital and important that the Nazis keep them as far away from where they'd be useful as it is possible for them to be. So someone on the dev team must have said, "How do we follow a game like New Order?" and someone else said, "Well, I think the most important thing is that it not look like we're trying too hard," and they certainly pulled that off like superstars I might almost have thought they weren't fucking trying at all! You remember how, at one point in the last game, we had to go to a Nazi moon base, and it was like the ultimate escalation of ridiculousness, and you wondered how you could possibly top that? Well, in The New Colossus, we get to go to a Nazi base on Venus, which is totally different to a moon base in a number of ways that I'm sure Bethesda will be happy to list for you if you all ring them up at three in the morning.
There's one moment in particular - and I'm sure you know the one I mean, if you've played the game - wherein credibility is pushed right out the door of a passenger airliner, and how the fuck are we supposed to take any threat seriously after that?!
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So it shouldn't come as a surprise that he survived getting his Liberty Bells blown off at the end of the last game and journeys to America with his ragtag band of rebels to win back his homeland from the Nazis with nothing but gumption, a gigantic untraceable submarine, several nuclear warheads, and the magical wonder-technology of an ancient secret society.įorgive me if it seems like we're losing a sense of threat and adversity, especially when Blowjob continues to shrug off injury in ways that push credibility, even beyond the usual video game protagonist baseline, where we can come back from multiple gunshot wounds by sucking up an entire breakfast table like a jonesing crack whore five minutes before the bus leaves. Refreshing, yes, but the thing about that kind of unexpected lightning bolt of a game is that it's a Pandora's box that can only be opened once open it again, and you're just putting wear and tear on the hinges.īlowjob Blazkowicz, far from the smirking super-killer of older iterations, is now a dried-up, overused Stretch Armstrong doll in the rowdy daycare center of the universe, who has an increasingly ridiculous talent for coming back from serious injury, but isn't quite returning back to his old shape each time. Well, I guess, what with the new Call of Duty this month, they didn't quite send it off as hard as I would have liked.
Blazkowicz is stuck in a global techno-Nazi future where the Nazis will keep coming forever and there will never be enough wee-wee to go around, was a truly refreshing take on the World War II action shooter and, to my mind, would have been a very fitting send-off for a stale and over-saturated genre. The New Order, in which an aging and weary B.J. Much as I enjoyed Wolfenstein: The New Order, with its strong characters and putting Nazis in their place, that place being face-down in a toilet trying to breathe their own wee-wee, I was iffy about the whole idea of a sequel. So we're one-third of the way through the multiple fucking big-name games that came out on October 27th - or as it came to be known, "Let's All Piss on Yahtzee's Schedule Day" - and I might as well admit that I did Mario Odyssey first because, on the face, that seemed the most likely to give a positive experience. Yahtzee reviews Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus.
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